Listening deeply

Listening to nature in Algonquin Park

It’s been a while since I shared my thoughts with you in this space – apologies for my absence! These are strange times. Although most often what I’ve been feeling is grateful – grateful that I’m healthy and so is my family, grateful that I have a roof over my head, grateful that my husband is still working when so many have lost their jobs – I have experienced a range of other emotions over the last few months. Anxiety. Frustration. Uncertainty. Disappointment. Boredom. Stir-craziness (perhaps that’s not really an emotion…). I’ve had insomnia. I’ve felt my energy levels wax and wane. However, perhaps more important than the particular range of feelings and emotions experienced is the fact that I’ve listened deeply to what my body has been telling me each step along the way, and I’ve tried to respond with kindness, compassion and acceptance. At the end of the day, that’s all we can do. Change is inevitable. Nothing is certain. We have this very moment in which we find ourselves and we can choose to befriend it and experience it fully, or we can struggle against the inevitable and lose out on the simple joys that this moment might bring.

More and more I recognise the importance of listening deeply within. The answers we seek usually exist somewhere inside of us, we need only be open to what our inner wisdom has to share. I’ve heard quite a number of people observe that these months of lockdown and restrictions have afforded them a rare opportunity to slow down and take stock. Most of the time we focus our attention outside of ourselves, sometimes because that’s what’s required – when we’re at work, caring for others, driving a car – and sometimes because it’s easier to distract ourselves with the external to avoid dealing with the tough questions that might come up when we look within. As our activities have been necessarily restricted to protect our health and the health of our community, we’ve found ourselves with fewer external time demands and more opportunities to reflect on what really matters.

Beyond the devastating loss of life the world is grappling with each day, I’ve been saddened by the less visible casualties as well – seeing small businesses go under, people losing their homes and their livelihoods, being cast into an uncertain future. I’ve also been deeply touched as I read about random acts of kindness, small and large – a reminder that human beings are inherently good, and that a crisis can bring out the best in us. In my personal experience over these last months, I’ve seen a bit of the best and the worst coming out in people, organisations and institutions around me. The actions of those in the ‘worst’ category have enabled me to make healthier decisions about whom I trust and support in the future, while those in the ‘best’ have reinforced my trust in them and strengthened my commitment moving forward. As you look back over the year so far, what has warmed your heart in humanity, and what has given you pause and perhaps made you question or re-evaluate something about yourself and your life?

It’s good to ask ourselves tough questions. It’s good to evaluate our habits and behaviours, our beliefs and expectations. We’re not static beings – we are constantly changing and evolving, learning and unlearning, exploring and discovering new things about ourselves and the world around us. If we pay attention, if we remain open to all of these new teachings and experiences, we can then take what we’ve learned and allow it to shape the way we grow. It can make us stronger and more resilient in the face of challenge; it can make us kinder and more compassionate in the face of suffering and injustice; it can bring out the very best in us, our innate goodness and wisdom, to lead us humbly forward on the uncertain path ahead.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

Supertree Grove, Singapore

In my last post I touched on the benefits of exploring new places and perspectives and, as if on cue, an article arrived in my inbox about novelty and the importance of getting out of our ruts. According to the University of California Berkeley Wellness Letter, studies have shown that novelty may enhance memory and learning, it is associated with happiness and well-being, it may enhance creativity, and it can help slow down our perception of time. What more could we need to convince us!

For most, our tendency is to gravitate toward the familiar – what is safe, comfortable, known to us. We surround ourselves with familiar people, places, and things to cultivate a sense of security and to create a system of support and reassurance for when the path ahead is unclear. Some of our routines give necessary structure to our life – without them we would neglect our jobs, our responsibilities at home, our commitments to friends and family and community. However, I think it is worthwhile to examine our routines periodically and decide which ones continue to serve us, and which do not – which ones support us and help us move forward on our path, and which might be limiting our potential to grow and change.

It can be daunting to step outside our comfort zone. Yet, if we do not muster the courage to explore beyond what we know, we cannot reap the potential rewards. In A Book That Takes Its Time – An Unhurried Adventure in Creative Mindfulness, there is a wonderful graphic illustrating what lies beyond our comfort zone:

From: A Book That Takes Its Time, by Irene Smit and Astrid van der Hulst

When we look at it this way, how can we not give in to wanderlust and allow ourselves to explore the possibilities of discovery, adventure, reflection, and wisdom?

On the yogic path, we practice svadhyaya, self-study. We reflect upon who we really are – our truest self beyond ego, beyond the expectations and constructs of society. In mindfulness meditation we seek to release attachment to our preconceptions and judgments and look with a beginner’s mind at what arises moment by moment. These practices can help us to open our hearts and minds and give us the courage to explore beyond what is comfortable and known. When we take a step away from the familiar and we observe with fresh eyes what lies before us, the possibilities are endless.

What opportunities await beyond your comfort zone? Take the first step and see where it leads. Follow a new route on your evening walk. Learn a new language or skill. Play with a new pose, or an old pose in a new way, in your yoga practice. Travel to a distant land and explore a new culture. In the sage words of Mark Twain: “Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.

Live the questions


I beg you, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.” ~Rainer Maria Rilke

A friend shared an article with me recently that included this quote.  It is one that gives me pause every time I read it, and this time in particular it resonated deeply. Over the past few months, I have written often about mindfulness, its myriad benefits and also its challenges. Given the latter, some might say that true mindfulness is not for the faint of heart! When we embark upon the journey of mindfulness practice, we seek to embody certain attitudes that guide the way we respond to what arises within us and in the world around us, moment by moment. Among the most challenging of these attitudes can be Patience and Acceptance – which is exactly what Rilke asks of us in this beautiful passage.

The more we practice, the more familiar we become with two important realities: uncertainty and impermanence. Nothing is guaranteed, and nothing that arises will remain exactly the same for any length of time. Put another way, for all the beauty and possibility that lies in our hopes and dreams, we must acknowledge that we can never truly know what is coming until it is here, and the only certainty we can rely upon is that everything in our life will inevitably change. How then do we continue to hope and dream and imagine in the face of this reality? We learn to embrace the very things that challenge us and welcome them as opportunities to learn and explore – ourselves, each other, the world we live in.

I think it is safe to say that we have all experienced impatience at some point in our life. It can be as simple as the impatience of waiting for a delayed flight, an appointment with someone who is running behind, a traffic jam that makes you late for an important event.  What do all of these things have in common? They are external circumstances that have caused us frustration or inconvenience – and they are all beyond our immediate control.  This is where mindfulness can step in, providing a refuge from our frustration and an antidote to the spiraling thoughts that can easily lead us down a path to anger or fear or impulsive reactions.  When we notice ourselves becoming impatient and annoyed, it can act as a mindful reminder to acknowledge what is and is not within our control, and to accept what we cannot change.  As always, this is easier said than done, but then that is why we call it a practice – we are practicing these skills, honing our abilities, cultivating them like seedlings planted in our garden.

It takes time to build a deep and abiding mindfulness practice – perhaps a lifetime. A vital part of this journey is to be patient as we encounter challenges and disappointments, as we look to the horizon for answers and find only questions. If we can accept that change is inevitable and the future will always remain unknown to us, perhaps we will find a sense of peace that allows us to truly inhabit the present moment and embrace whatever it may bring – to love the questions and to live them fully, right here and now.